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Love comes with hate, and I come with my world.

2017-09


It's always my fault...

Isn't it, mum?

Always. Even when I do things to help you out, you still blame me. Blame me for "not helping". Blame me for being "ungrateful". Blame me for being "rude". Tell me, don't you find it rude to intrude when someone's expressing how they feel? Yes, I'm saying you're being rude to me.

Sorry, but I admit. Sometimes I don't see any respect for me yet you expect me to respect you when you don't even respect me. Sorry mum. But really, I don't see any point in respecting someone who doesn't respect me.

You don't let me love. You prevent me from expressing myself. You make fun of me. What more can I actually say? You blame me for everything. Even when I don't finish the dishes unintentionally. It's not like I have 360 degrees eyesight now do I? I don't have sharp eyesight like most other people. Practically, I'm pretty blind. Everything is too blurry for me to see.

But what pisses me off most, is that you don't let me love. I really don't understand why. It's not like I'm unfaithful. You still call me a slut just for sleeping with a guy. And that was just sleeping, no sex at all, and you call me a slut. Sure, just gang up on me with the warden, call me a S-L-U-T. And because of that, you were so conscious about him, as if he's going to rape me someday. But he's not like that. Why can't you accept my feelings mum? I don't understand!

Because you won't let me love, mum, that's why I'm emotionless. That's why I'm cold towards you and the rest. I'm cold now, because you don't let me love. That's why I want to cry alone, without anyone knowing I was crying. To me, Max is closer to me than I am to you. I tried so hard to make you happy, but you never are. It's never enough.

Everything daddy does is perfect to you. Even though he fucked that slut in a hotel. That's why we're out of our hometown, because of what he did with his miss-nice-pretty-sweet-sexy colleague. Why do you blame me? I did nothing. I didn't even like her even though she gave us hamsters. She was a bitch. You're nothing like her, mum; you're someone far better than her.

But why blame me?

Topic:It sucks.. - Genre:Diary

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