Terry, you are amazing. ♥
It is easier for me to write about N when I'm not talking to L, to be honest. I still feel like a hypocrite despite that. But I promised I'll write about it. To myself. I wrote the first part, and thought I was going to be free from the chains of feelings afterwards... But no.
There had to be part two.
We talked again. And this time, it was thanks to A. Yes. A. Thanks a lot. Thank so much. I was happy. But for that time. And only that time. And because of you I talked to N again. It was fun while it lasted. I said hi. And the next few weeks we were stuck together and everyone misunderstood us. And I end up being the antagonist of this little drama of my own.
That Tuesday, I had nowhere to go because my sister wanted to stay back at school with her friends. So I decided to stay, because I know I had to. That day too, I went to the Art Room, to find the guys from Art Society still there. N was there. And like a kid who found his favorite candy; he walked to me big-eyed and in love.
Like there was no tomorrow, he said he likes spending time with me. And that he'll be there, to accompany me while waiting for my parents to pick me up from school. I was so touched. And that was the first time, I acknowledged you as a guy. If you ever, ever; in your life, read this -- I'm sorry.
Next was that our fight. We fought over a text message from L. Just because he was my lover. Honestly, that was stupid. I wanted to explain, but you and your delusions of me as the perfect girl... I just couldn't explain and you left. You were broke and you broke your promise that you'd wait for me to go home first. But I understood. I was only worried about how to patch it up with you. Before I could, you did. And that was the first time we texted. I want to say these three words, but I can't.
I love you.
I know we'll never be able to be together... But I hope just saying those three words can make it up to the moments we shared together. Next was the school exhibition, and you know I'm claustrophobic. It was just the day after our fight. And we were still in love. I was all the way in the corner of the hall, with the window beside me open. And you sat beside me, until my friend walked up to us. I knew she liked you. So I didn't respond. You asked me what was wrong; because you could tell that I wasn't fine. Somehow that felt magical.
It wasn't long until she left and the crowds started to lessen. I then felt more confident and safe to move around in the hall, so I stood in front of the air-conditioner for the coolness. You came around, stood beside me and we were like that for almost the whole two hours. Well, other than the time you got angry at my friend for not getting me a chair and you gave me yours. The whole time, your body was facing my direction. And it didn't take a genius to know that you love me.
We were together the whole day and you told me that you wanted to make sure I don't faint because of the crowd. And with that; even my friends could tell that you were being sweeter than L. For once.
Next was ... The other Tuesday. It was during the art trip. Did you know how many times I tried to be close to you? And instead, it was you who did that and not me? You made sure I didn't get lost. You were always behind me. And staring at me. i was worried and thought there was something on my face, or the like. In the end we were talking a lot again, and you told me to walk with you up the road... I wanted to talk to my friend, but you made me stay. I don't know. Maybe because I do love you.
And with that, I end this unrequited little love story.
I love you, N.
But I love L more.
Post a comment
Use trackback on this entry.
| HOME |